Why Ask Hawaii?

I hope you will pardon the diversion. But let’s face it, I’m on vacation.

So wailing away on the wall of wealth building and and travel hacking is quite simply not in the cards right now. I would feel too much like one of those sad souls doing Excel spreadsheets poolside in his beach chair.

So today, dear reader, please allow me to prattle on about the loveliness of Hawaii.

Loving Hawaii is not terribly cool.

One gets much more street cred amongst travelers by singing the praises of a remote place such as Laos, The Basque Hillcountry, The Maldives, or the Canary Islands.

Hawaii is, quite simply, a cliché. It is, I gather, what every American probably thinks of when he or she thinks of vacation.

The food is average and expensive. Everything is given a hefty tourist markup. And gauche island tchotchkes abound.

But none of this takes away from the magic of the place.

There is no other place that I know of that feels quite so vacation-ee.

Here then are 10 things that I love about Maui.

1. 80°.

There is some form of a strange gravitational pull here that requires that everything be 80°. The air temperature, the water temperature, everything.

In case you’re wondering, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with 80°.

2. The meaninglessness of walls.

Because of #1, walls becomes sort of optional in Hawaii. The garden is separated from the living room by changing tile colors and little else. Birds happily fly into hotel lobbies. And extravagantly colored tropical branches often poke their way indoors.

Somehow this sends the message to one’s pleasure seeking limbic system that the environment has changed and become more welcoming.

It’s okay to let your guard down. Aaaaahhhhh.

3. The language.

During my parents generation, much acid was taken. And from what I can gather there were these things called “safe words” that allowed people on “bad trips” to find a “happy place.”

Is it a stretch to assert that The frequently uttered words, “aloha,” “keiki,” and “mahalo,” possess a similar magical ability to transfer one’s frame of reference from one of “work,” to one of “relaxation?”

4. The Music.

Often times, while cooking French toast for my family on Sunday mornings, I will put the on Gabby Pahinui station on Pandora. Why? Because Hawaiian music with its ubiquitous ukulele, and long strings of vowels strung together in ever-changing melodies really lets the subconscious mind know that the time to relax has arrived.

Being able to access this sort of pavlovian response by simply turning on your rental car’s radio is a powerful thing indeed.

5. Unexpected bites.

As I previously mentioned, Maui is really not about the food.

But once in a while you get a really surprising and delicious bite.

This trip these bites have included lychee-like Rambutans, The coconut shrimp from a nearby plate lunch place (Honokawa Osakaya), and the spicy shrimp from Gende’s** food cart in Kahului.

These surprises are rarely great values, but they are always welcome, and really punctuate the trip to Hawaii for foodie types like me.

6. Swimming kids.

My kids are seldom more happy than when frolicking about in a swimming pool or playing with their imagination and bodies for hours on the beach.

In Hawaii, on vacation, this is the skeleton around which each day is built.

And any parent knows that when your kids are happy, chances are you’re pretty happy too.

7: Snorkeling.

There is something about snorkeling that is just so incredible.

Obviously the fish and coral are absolutely beautiful in the warm clear Hawaiian water.

But there is also something meditative about hearing your breath repeat itself over and over again.

And when you’re swimming out towards the coral, and a wave going back into the ocean catches you, there is nothing else that I’ve experienced that feels quite so much like flying.

Talk about escapism!

8. Birds.

Last night at dinner my daughter was literally plugging her ears because the loud sounds of birdsong were so overwhelming.

Those type of sounds really let you know that, “you’re not in Kansas anymore.” (and this is a good thing.)

(incidentally, our hotel lobby also includes a pond with multiple flamingos and a black swan. This is a bit Disneyesque, but vacation-ee just the same.

9. Whales.

Looking for whales provides an excellent excuse to stare blankly out to sea for hours on end.

And seeing one of these massive creatures breach, spout, or lift their tail out of the water, never stops being thrilling.

10. Hawaii time.

My wife often remarks that within five minutes of driving into the city limits of my hometown of San Francisco I become a raving maniac.

And it’s true that in that environment I will not hesitate to make a 90° turn into the oncoming lane in order to block the lights and sirens ambulance from stealing my precious parking place.

In Portland, my new hometown, I’m not nearly so aggressive and often find myself driving in the slow lane.

But if Portland is one order of magnitude chiller than San Francisco, then Maui is 10 orders of magnitude chiller than Portland.

Everything here moves in slow motion here which is the perfect speed for vacation.

Anyway, I’m afraid my writing of this blog post, is annoying the corporate consultant next to me who is steadily working on his spreadsheets. So I’d better sign off for now.

Aloha.

** Hat tip to Rom’s Deals for clueing me into this one.